the sinner in me
2009 Resolutions
Keep studying
Be a great boyfriend, and a good son
Be more all-rounded
Stop shrinking and start growing again
Be able to answer to myself
My Second Wind
I fear stagnation and lack of progress. I fear never reaching my potential and being average. I fear being forgotten. The past. Yesterday's news. I fear giving up and being passed by, going softly into that good night. I fear letting those I love down, letting myself down. I fear settling, giving in to the "that's just the way it is" mindset. I fear dying without leaving my mark. I fear not feeling these fears anymore and just floating along. These fears feed me, they nourish my drive.
I love my fear.
"innovation is not about giving what customers want or expect, but creating products that they didn't know they needed. that is true innovation."
the fallen saint left at 11:54 am
i feel many people have a poor impression of me because they judge my actions in their own contexts, and therefore they do not understand the purpose of my will. whether this is fair to me is inconsequential, because i am under no false belief that those who errantly judge me will concern themselves with my feelings.
the fallen saint left at 10:13 pm
i don't really have anything to blog about these days.
the fallen saint left at 9:24 am
i think people need to take some time off once in a while to take stock of what they have achieved hitherto, what they've fallen short of, what can be improved and what should be abandoned.
the fallen saint left at 10:36 pm
the person who first said that everything happens for a reason could not have been closer to the truth in life.
the fallen saint left at 1:08 pm probably nothing is in chronological order, and although i titled this as a summary, i doubt the length will reflect any agreement. skip this if you run out of patience.
the fallen saint left at 12:27 am
the fallen saint left at 10:42 pm 10 july 2006
the fallen saint left at 10:30 pm 5 july 2006
the fallen saint left at 10:25 pm
i think i finally managed to find the word to describe the two people: cowardice.
the fallen saint left at 4:24 pm i've never felt this happy in my life before!
the fallen saint left at 3:05 am
i never knew so many people read my blog, and the couple of days immediately after i published that now-removed post saw the most activity in my tagboard since i started blogging. i don't know majority of the people who tagged me, but that isn't the purpose of this entry.
the fallen saint left at 10:13 pm
out with michelle today. walked around town with my birthday shopping vouchers tucked safely in my wallet, eyes peeled for belts, wallets, levi's jeans, underwear.. while walking around tangs, i went into the fcuk boutique and surprise surprise, they finally have new shipments of the t-shirt i've been wanting since the start of the year.
the fallen saint left at 4:01 pm
Saturday, July 29, 2006
ghen akiyama,levi asia pacific's strategic brand planning director
Thursday, July 27, 2006
why i
i have certain harsh opinions of others and the way they conduct themselves towards various aspects of their lives, because i am someone who wants to be proud of what i do, and in order for me to not dip my chin when facing anyone, i dedicate myself to my work. i don't want to regret in retrospect that i could have sacrificed a little more to make my work better, because regret is always too late.
*to digress a bit. i find it ludicrous when people talk about giving 110% or 200%. let's face it, anything above 100% for effort is mathematically impossible, so why don't we stop all this silly humour and get on with it.
when it comes to physical training, i know i'm not the strongest in the gym. hell, i'm only just starting out, but i want to beat myself up adequately in training to need that protein shake as opposed to merely wanting it. there is a difference, and already i suspect not many can understand this.
why do i want to get bigger? because this is my chance - it's the best time of my life to grow, to get the best out of every session. and with the close group of friends i have who support me in this training, i can't let myself and them down too. to many of you this may be narcissism, but who isn't narcissistic in some way or another? who doesn't crave good looks, money, power and status? sure, there are the few odd balls here and there who stick out like sore thumbs because of their abstenance from all things material, but that's what they are to me - sore thumbs, few and far between.
am i unusually reducing myself to being part of the narcissistic commoners, then? perhaps. but i know i don't put in half-arse commitment and expect wonderful results. if i'm not prepared to sacrifice, then i know i have no right to expect.
every bead of perspiration and every drop of blood is for a greater glory.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
chums!
i think it's because i'm really happy with the way my social life is going, and excited about trainings with my friends at the gym. i have nothing to complain about, except perhaps that the peanuts that the army pays me right now is really just subsistence to tide me over, month after month. give me more moolah instead of wasting it on computer systems that don't work, you pricks!
one thing that annoys me is how so many people these days punctuate the middle of their sentences with 'like'. the word precedes almost every comma, and i know everyone needs a pause in the middle of sentences now and then to arrange their thoughts, but that word is overused to the point which i think urban dictionaries will soon define it additionally as a word to mark a pause or comma in a sentence. plus, if you notice, plenty of bimbos on mtv talk like that.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
contemplation
sometimes when you set your sights on a specific goal, and you embark on a relentless pursuit to attain it, your focus can narrow so much that nothing happening on the periphery registers to your senses anymore. it's almost as though you're taking a myopic view on the rest of your surroundings because of this target which you've zoomed in on, and that is not only unhealthy but also potentially destructive.
maybe i'm not making sense to some of you. all i'm saying is, at regular intervals, we need to look at ourselves and see if this is really what we want ourselves to be; are we compromising any of our beliefs or principles for the sake of achieving something? in trying to become something beautiful, have we unconsciously transformed ourselves into a monster?
perhaps i really am not making sense. this is just one of my trance-like moments. ignore if it suits you.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
a moment to myself
why i was willing to change myself for her, i will never be able to explain. no matter how badly it all came crashing down, it no longer matters to me. painful as it may have been, it's opened a door for me to meet the new people i've come to known, and i really could not ask for better friends than those i have around me now - friends of new and old, those who've dragged me out of numerous shitholes and even those who've just offered their company, thank you all.
i've come to realise that losing her was not my loss. it was a blessing for me, masked by the initial agony arising from the end of a relationship. i think i've seen through it all at last, and it is stones instead of twigs that now surround me - what can't kill me will only strengthen me.
and i may not be religious, but if You meant it to be like this for me, then i say, thank You.
summary rant
first up, i wish my dear cloney a pleasant trip to cambodia. i never got about to asking what you were going to be doing there, but don't you forget our little conversation about bringing back a souvenir for me.
to 'rebacca'.. if you want to tell me who you are, you will do so yourself without prompting from myself or others. i leave that to you, but if you're not really a friend, please do not claim to be one. every friend of mine is important to me, so i'll appreciate that you at least come clean on this issue.
being in the company of older people is so much more interesting than hanging out with younger people, or even people my age. not that i like feeling like a baby by virtue of my age, but because their perspectives are refreshing, and this group of older friends that i've come to know are perhaps the best company i've had in a very long time.
splurged 180 bucks on a pair of sunglasses. now i have two- the oakley's are for outdoor activities and the police's are for urban wear and driving, since they have polarised lenses. oddly i don't hear my bank account screaming out in pain; then again, i don't have to worry about paying for someone else, so i'm good. it helps too that i now have a sizeable sum in my account (:
girls, girls, girls.. they are fun, but observing them is just as entertaining.
and i just got told someone had a dream about me. a weird dream. i found it amusing, though. go dream more, and tell me the answer to my question! lol.
Monday, July 10, 2006
colleen on DIY
10 july 2006
Dun Mess With Me! says:
must re-stock regularly
Dun Mess With Me! says:
keep stock fresh
Dun Mess With Me! says:
if not when time comes for u to use them for procreation
Dun Mess With Me! says:
u get weird mutated ones
Dun Mess With Me! says:
those w two head
Dun Mess With Me! says:
or two tails
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
eek
Dun Mess With Me! says:
swim backwards
Dun Mess With Me! says:
swim in circles
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
okok i get the point
Dun Mess With Me! says:
HAHHAHAHAHA
i will not comment whether her scare tactic worked. you guys can ponder all you want, just know i've always been totally against the idea of diy. haha.
my cranky rant
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
when are you going to cambodia?
loi: says:
16
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
sun?
loi: says:
yah
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
i see
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
help me get a souvenir can?
loi: says:
sure
loi: says:
slave?
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
nope
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
land mine
rant from some while back
loi: says:
what baby steps you talking about
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
hahaha
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
-winks
loi: says:
tell me lah
loi: says:
dont tell me you're back together with raine after all this
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
no la
[zeitgeist] the morning after the night before says:
i'm not
loi: says:
good. because i will personally kill you if you are
Saturday, July 08, 2006
hauntings
if you slept with her, have the balls to admit it instead of trying to cover the whole matter up and acting like nothing ever happened. if you can't manage that, you're not man enough for a woman.
if you slept with someone else, have the decency to tell the truth instead of denying it - and asking others to deny it for you as well. don't drag others into your spiral of deceit.
there will always be consequences for every action, and nothing in this world is ever truly isolated.
in case any of you are wondering, them sleeping around isn't a sore point for me. unfortunately, it is the only example that i know of which is definitely not fabricated.
it was a blessing in disguise for me.
smiles
thanks colleen! (:
Thursday, July 06, 2006
afterthought
the flood of comments and remarks by previously invisible readers suggests to me the tendency of voyeurism among you gossipmongers is alarmingly high; you like to fish for the juiciest bit of information and without determining if the contents of my blog are accurate, you grab the details like they guarantee your livelihood and start spreading the news like wildfire.
i won't go into whether the contents in the now-defunct entry are true, i'll leave that to your individual befuddled judgement. whatever floats your boat, i say.
finally, i would like to add that i do not like taking down my writings, whether they be good or bad, but neither do i break my promises.
i only wish you could keep half the promises you make to me, but i've learnt, painstakingly, even that is too much to ask.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
here it comes
and i bought the black 'hot as fcuk' t-shirt, XL sized and all, with the vouchers that dearest dionne and loi got for me.
-victorious roarrrr